Navigating the Waves of Grief: A Therapist’s Perspective on Healing and Hope
Grief is a universal experience, yet it is deeply personal. It is the emotional response to loss. I’ve walked alongside countless individuals as they navigate the turbulent waters of grief, and one truth remains constant: everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, no timeline to follow, and no rulebook to guide you. Grief is as unique as the person experiencing it.
Grief doesn’t always look the way we expect it to. Some people cry openly, while others retreat into silence. Some may feel anger, guilt, or even relief. Some find solace in sharing their pain, while others process it privately. As a therapist, I’ve seen grief manifest in ways that defy stereotypes. One client may feel numb for months, while another might experience waves of intense emotion that come and go unpredictably.
It’s important to remember that grief is not linear. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a pioneering psychiatrist, introduced her famous stages of grief which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. While these stages provide a framework for understanding grief, they are often misunderstood as a linear, step-by-step process. In reality, grief is more like a spiral. You may revisit emotions you thought you had moved past, and that’s okay. Healing is not about “getting over” loss but learning to carry it with you in a way that allows you to move forward.
The Many Faces of Grief
My Personal Journey with Grief
As much as I’ve guided others through their grief, I’ve also walked my own path of loss. Several years ago, I lost someone very close to me unexpectedly. I was unprepared for the intensity of my emotions which made me realize that you cannot get ready for grief. I did not know how to “fix” my pain, even as I knew intellectually that grief isn’t something to be fixed.
What surprised me most was how my grief evolved over time. In the early days, I was consumed by sadness and I tried to push the feeling away. It was tough to even think about the person. But as the months passed, I began to find moments of remembering the joyful times we experienced. I started to cherish the memories rather than focusing solely on the absence. This shift didn’t happen overnight, and it wasn’t a straight path. Even now, years later, certain moments like a song, a place, a shared memory, can bring a fresh wave of grief. And that’s okay.
If you’re supporting someone who is grieving, the most important thing you can do is be present. Grief can be isolating, and many people feel pressure to “move on” before they’re ready. Avoid offering platitudes like “everything happens for a reason” or “they’re in a better place.” Instead, simply listen. Validate their feelings. Let them know it’s okay to grieve in their own way and at their own pace.
For those who are grieving, be gentle with yourself. There is no “right” way to grieve, and there is no timeline for healing. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up, whether it’s sadness, anger, guilt, or even moments of joy. Seek support when you need it, whether from friends, family, or a therapist. And remember, grief is not a sign of weakness—it’s a testament to the love and connection you shared with what or whom you’ve lost.
How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving
Finding Meaning in Loss
One of the most profound aspects of grief is its ability to transform us. While the pain of loss never fully disappears, it can coexist with growth and meaning. Many of my clients have shared that their grief led them to reevaluate their priorities, deepen their relationships, or find new purpose in life. This doesn’t mean the loss was “worth it,” but it does show the resilience of the human spirit.
In my own experience, grief taught me the importance of presence and connection. It reminded me to cherish the people I love and to live with intention. It also deepened my empathy as a therapist, allowing me to sit with my clients in their pain without rushing to “fix” it.
If you’re grieving, know that you’re not alone. Your grief is valid, no matter how it looks or how long it lasts. And while the pain may never fully go away, it will change. Over time, you’ll find ways to carry your loss with you while still embracing life.
As a therapist, I’ve seen the incredible strength and resilience of those who grieve. I’ve witnessed the power of connection, the healing that comes from sharing our stories, and the hope that emerges even in the darkest moments. Grief is not the end of the story—it’s a chapter in the larger narrative of our lives. And while it may be one of the hardest chapters to write, it’s also one of the most meaningful.
If you’re struggling with grief, reach out. Whether it’s to a friend, a support group, or a therapist, you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Healing is possible, and it begins with allowing yourself to grieve in your own way, in your own time.
Grief is not a sign that you’ve lost something forever. It’s a sign that you’ve loved deeply. And that love, even in the face of loss, is a gift worth honoring